Technical Support to Operate… our Husbands

Last night Hubby and I had a little LQ over a TV show and a back-scratching-com-rubbing errand that I used to do while we are watching TV. You see it has become his habit to ask me scratch and rub his back while watching TV. And yes, I ask him the same thing too. Why not, we have a saying… scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours, right? But last night he was complaining that his back hurts because he worked all day on the roof and he asked me to rub his back. I said no. Then, towards the middle of the TV program, my back itched and I asked him to scratch my back and he said no too. So I decided to sleep in the other bedroom last night. But he kept bugging me 3 times and asking me to move back to our bedroom because he said he can’t sleep without me by his side. I was surprised, because he would sometimes bitch about my snoring. He said it’s too loud he cannot sleep despite the fact that he too snores like hell [and I had it on video to prove my point].

Anyway, I didn’t want to rub his back because I think it’s not right anymore at this time. He complains about his back when he is working… but when he walks 5 to 10 miles or climb trees when deer hunting and coming home late, he never complains about his back. His back never hurts when he is out hunting. His back only hurts when he is working. And his back only hurts when he is at home doing errand like taking out the trash. So, I boycott the back-rubbing altogether last night and brought my protest out of our bedroom. But then, of course on the 4th time he asked me to move back to our bedroom I raised the white flag.

This morning, when I checked my inbox my friend "Red" sent me an e-mail about husband. And I thought of sharing it here with you housewives out there who are in the same predicament as I am in. This is to let you know what kind of situation we are in and how to handle it.

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower 3.5 and jewelry 2.0 applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
• Romance 9.5 and
• Personal Attention 6.5,
and then installed undesirable programs such as
• NBA 5.0,
• NFL 3.0 and
• Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate.



DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
• Cooking 3.0 and
• Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck Babe!

Tech Support

There you go my friends. Maybe we really need to upgrade our system and have a special driver scanner to detect which program software we need to use when needs arise. But then, our husbands are not computer [I wish they were because it will be easier to sign off or log off when they hanged or malfunctioned] and so are we.