Monday, May 12, 2008

surviving Mother's Day

Hubby and I went fishing last weekends. We had fun going from one bridge to another trying our luck with some river trout or bass that might bite our freshly dug earthworms. We stopped by every bridge that we found going up north and he would cast his fishing pole under the bridge while I just hangged around taking pictures. It was fun as always. He caught a river bass but let it go after I took the picture.

My hubby is a loner. He enjoys doing things himself. But when I came into his life, he enjoys doing things with me. I enjoy it too even if he wouldn't talk and would spend hours waiting for the fish to bite. He is not really a talker too so I couldn't complain. But since the miscarriage, hubby didn't want to leave me alone with my thoughts because he knows that I would cry anytime. And I did when we were under the bridge while he was just about 30 feet away from the boulder where I was sitting on. He came back after 45 minutes and found me crying. So we packed up and we drove home. He told me to get our "get-away stuff" and off we went back up north.

We spent the night in a hotel in Augusta, Maine's capital city, about 3 hours drive from our place. I drove. It was the day before Mother's Day and he knew it was a very critical day for me. All his kids were with their mothers and I have no one. So he knows that staying at home will be a bad idea. I enjoyed the weekend with him. We visited the State's Capitol Building and parked our car at the Legisleture Parking lot. I enjoyed the thousand colorful tulips lining the Capitol Building's stairway.

This is my first Mother's Day as a married woman. And since that I am still grieving for my recent loss, it was so difficult for me to face the day knowing that kids have prepared something for their mothers on this day. But then, I had to accept the fact that this is my reality and I had to move on. Life is beautiful and full of mystery. Maybe next Mother's Day... it will be different.

I still feel a bit of loneliness inside me but with my hubby's love and care, I am doing alright now. I am moving on. And I am getting all the love I need to carry on. As they say, there is always a second chance.

God is good and with Him... hope springs eternal.

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